What the Mourning Wife is Obliged to Avoid

Question :

What are the rulings by which the mourning wife must abide when her husband dies?

Answer:

What the mourning wife must avoid has been mentioned in the Hadiths. She is required to do five things:

1. She must remain in the house she was living in when her husband died until the end of the waiting period, i.e, four months and ten days, unless she is pregnant, in which case, her waiting period ends when she delivers the child. Allah, Most Glorified, Most High says:

"And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their 'Iddah (prescribed period) is until they lay down their burden."

She may not leave it except for some need or emergency, such as visiting the hospital when she is ill and purchasing what she needs from the market, such as food and the like, if she has no one to do it for her. Likewise, if the house is destroyed, she may leave it to go to another, or if she has no one who can take her in and she fears for her safety, then there is no objection to this, in case of need.

2. She may not wear beautiful clothes, neither yellow nor green, nor any other; instead, she must wear plain clothing, as the Prophet ﷺ ordered.

3. She must avoid wearing jewelry, such as gold, silver, diamonds, pearls and the like, whether it be necklaces, bracelets, rings or any such thing until her waiting period is over.

4. She must avoid using perfume, neither incense nor any other kind of scent, except when she has become purified from her menstrual period, then there is no objection to her using some incense.

5. She must avoid using Kuhl. She may not apply Kuhl to her eyes, nor any special cosmetic similar to Kuhl which would be used to beautify the face anything that may cause Fitnah to the people. As for normal beautification, such as by water and soap, there is no objection to that. But she may not use Kuhl which is used to beautify the eyes, and things similar to Kuhl which are used by some women on their faces.

These five things must be taken care of in case of someone whose husband dies.

As for what some ordinary people might think or invent, such as that she may not speak to anyone, or that she may not speak on the telephone, or that she may not wash herself during the week except once, or that she may not walk barefoot in her house, or that she may not go out in the moonlight and other such superstitions, there is no basis for them. In fact, she may walk in her house barefooted or wearing shoes, carry out her needs in the house, cook her food and the food of her guests, walk in the moonlight, on the roof and in the garden of the house, she may wash whenever she wishes, talk to whomever she wishes in a manner in which there is no suspicion, shake hands with women and also with her Mahrams. But as for those who are not her.

Mahrams, she may not shake hands with them. She may remove her veil from her head if there are no non-Mahrams men present, but she may not use henna or saffron or perfume- neither on clothing nor in coffee, because saffron is a type of perfume. It is not permissible for her to be proposed to, but there is no objection to hinting or alluding to that. As for open proposals, they may not be made. And Allah is the Granter of success.