My Parents are not on Good Terms; if I Take the Side of One, the Other Becomes Angry

Question :

I'm twenty-five years old; my parents fight constantly day and night. If I obey one, the other becomes angry and accuses me of being disobedient and undutiful. O noble Shaikh, what should I do to be dutiful to them both? And am I undutiful to my mother if I obey my father and vice versa?

Answer:

The answer to this is that we say that obedience to parents is one of the most important obligations upon people. Allah Almighty says:
"Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents."

And He said:
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents."

And He the Almighty said:
"Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination."

There are also a great many Hadiths in this regard. It is obligatory for one to be obedient to both parents, with one's wealth, labor, position, or in anything that one can be obedient to them in. Allah Almighty said:
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly.

So he ordered keeping the company of these two idolatrous parents who struggle ceaselessly ordering their children to commit Shirk. Yet Allâh ordered keeping company with them in a kind way. If that is the case, then you in your specific situation should do two things. First, try to make a truce between them as much as you are able to, and try to reduce the enmity and feud between them. Both husband and wife have rights, and they must come to realize what each has to do for the other. Try to set an example in order to establish a purer atmosphere in your home. Second, you have to be dutiful to each of them. You can perhaps avoid the anger of your father, by being dutiful to your mother when he is not around, and vice versa. Most importantly, though, you should not be stagnant or satisfied with the way things are between your parents. At the same time, explain to each parent that obedience to one of them does not mean disobedience to the other, both have rights over their children according to the order of Allah.